Fertility issues were not part of the plan. The pain and heartache, and the darkness of the unknown were not part of the plan. However, this mess of fertility issues was one of the profound and beautiful journeys of my life. It has shaped me as a woman, a wife, and now a mother. I am stronger than I thought I could ever be and my bond and relationship with my husband is even deeper than I imagined.
Everyone who knows me, knows I don’t do well with uncertainty. So let’s start at the beginning. I graduated high school and headed off to college. My focus was to get my degree before having a family. I started dating my husband my last year in college. After graduating and getting settled into my career, I decided it was time to go back to school to complete my master’s degree. Soon after, my husband and I got married and after about a year of honeymoon bliss, we decided it was time to add to our family. We both wanted children, so this was an exciting decision filled with so much hope!
Where’s our baby?
In the beginning, deciding to have a baby was so exciting and romantic. However, after several months of trying, the obsession kicked in along with panic and a little fear and things became a lot less romantic. I remember starting to track everything (diet, weight, exercise, temperature, how fertile I was during the month, etc., etc., etc.) regarding conception. After about six months of trying to conceive with no success, my doctor started me on oral fertility drugs. We had two failed cycles and I was devastated. My doctor let us know that she could refer us to someone or we could continue along this path and keep trying.
The reality of no baby
I was so sad and hurt… I had always wanted to be a mother and my sweet husband wanted to be a father and now it seemed like it was never going to happen. During this same time, my close friends and family were starting to have babies of their own. I was literally in the throws of pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and births… my own personal hell. Don’t get me wrong, I was so happy for my friends and family, but so desperate to experience these same things they did.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
All right ladies and gentlemen… as much as I hate to say this, you can’t control your fertility issues. You also can’t plan your fertility issues. BUT, you can take charge of them and your life!
Here is what I learned on this journey:
- It is okay to be sad, jealous, mad, worried, stressed, disappointed, etc. Recognizing and accepting your feelings is key, but don’t let them consume you. Remember, an invitation to a baby shower is not a personal attack on you… its actually the exact opposite. Someone you love and care about wants to share their special moment with you… don’t miss those opportunities!
- Communicate with your friends and family about your feelings about what is going on. Sometimes those we are closest to don’t understand what we’re going through and you may want to consider finding a counselor to speak with. This journey will be paved with lots of ups and downs and waiting… so to say it might make you a little emotional is an understatement.
- Research your options. Not all bodies are created equal and neither are fertility issues. This is why it is so important to discuss these things with your doctor. If you and your doctor don’t see eye-to-eye, then I suggest finding a new one. I am so grateful for my relationship with my OB/GYN and my fertility doctors. Their knowledge was top notch and their understanding and emotional support was amazing!
- Control what’s in your control. If there was ever a time to really zone in on your health… this would be it! Watch what you eat, exercise, keep your stress under control, and follow any other recommendations your doctor gives you.
- Enjoy your journey, because it will be the story you tell to your children.
I love my journey to motherhood and the story I get to share… it is amazing for so many reasons! I hope you find the information in this post helpful, but most importantly, I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this journey. Don’t ever lose hope!
Cheers to your journey!