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The Unspoken Pain of Fertility Issues

The Unspoken Pain of Fertility Issues

Fertility issues were not part of the plan.  The pain and heartache, and the darkness of the unknown were not part of the plan.  However, this mess of fertility issues was one of the profound and beautiful journeys of my life.  It has shaped me as a woman, a wife, and now a mother.  I am stronger than I thought I could ever be and my bond and relationship with my husband is even deeper than I imagined.

Everyone who knows me, knows I don’t do well with uncertainty.  So let’s start at the beginning.  I graduated high school and headed off to college.  My focus was to get my degree before having a family.  I started dating my husband my last year in college.  After graduating and getting settled into my career, I decided it was time to go back to school to complete my master’s degree.  Soon after, my husband and I got married and after about a year of honeymoon bliss, we decided it was time to add to our family.  We both wanted children, so this was an exciting decision filled with so much hope!

Where’s our baby?

In the beginning, deciding to have a baby was so exciting and romantic.  However, after several months of trying, the obsession kicked in along with panic and a little fear and things became a lot less romantic.  I remember starting to track everything (diet, weight, exercise, temperature, how fertile I was during the month, etc., etc., etc.) regarding conception.  After about six months of trying to conceive with no success, my doctor started me on oral fertility drugs.  We had two failed cycles and I was devastated.  My doctor let us know that she could refer us to someone or we could continue along this path and keep trying.

The reality of no baby

I was so sad and hurt… I had always wanted to be a mother and my sweet husband wanted to be a father and now it seemed like it was never going to happen.  During this same time, my close friends and family were starting to have babies of their own.  I was literally in the throws of pregnancy announcements, baby showers, and births… my own personal hell.  Don’t get me wrong, I was so happy for my friends and family, but so desperate to experience these same things they did.

Taking Control

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

All right ladies and gentlemen… as much as I hate to say this, you can’t control your fertility issues.  You also can’t plan your fertility issues.  BUT, you can take charge of them and your life!

Here is what I learned on this journey:

  • It is okay to be sad, jealous, mad, worried, stressed, disappointed, etc.  Recognizing and accepting your feelings is key, but don’t let them consume you.  Remember, an invitation to a baby shower is not a personal attack on you… its actually the exact opposite.  Someone you love and care about wants to share their special moment with you… don’t miss those opportunities!


  • Communicate with your friends and family about your feelings about what is going on.  Sometimes those we are closest to don’t understand what we’re going through and you may want to consider finding a counselor to speak with.  This journey will be paved with lots of ups and downs and waiting… so to say it might make you a little emotional is an understatement.


  • Research your options.  Not all bodies are created equal and neither are fertility issues.  This is why it is so important to discuss these things with your doctor.  If you and your doctor don’t see eye-to-eye, then I suggest finding a new one.  I am so grateful for my relationship with my OB/GYN and my fertility doctors.  Their knowledge was top notch and their understanding and emotional support was amazing!


  • Control what’s in your control.  If there was ever a time to really zone in on your health… this would be it!  Watch what you eat, exercise, keep your stress under control, and follow any other recommendations your doctor gives you.


  • Enjoy your journey, because it will be the story you tell to your children.

I love my journey to motherhood and the story I get to share… it is amazing for so many reasons!  I hope you find the information in this post helpful, but most importantly, I hope you find comfort in knowing that you are not alone in this journey.  Don’t ever lose hope!

Cheers to your journey!


The Unspoken Pain of Fertility Issues
The Unspoken Pain of Fertility Issues
The Unspoken Pain of Fertility Issues
15 Tips to Prepare for your IVF Embryo Transfer

15 Tips to Prepare for your IVF Embryo Transfer

15 Tips to Prepare for your IVF Embryo Transfer – doesn’t that statement bring pure excitement to you?!  At the same time, doesn’t it bring nervousness and panic of the unknown?  As a person who has already done it, I vividly remember scouring the internet and Pinterest looking for posts on what to do to be prepared, what to expect, etc.  However, I didn’t find a whole lot of information on the subject.

After a lot of thought, I decided to put together a list of things that helped me prepare and survive my IVF embryo transfer.  Remember, I am not a doctor and you should follow your doctor’s instructions regarding anything related to your health and the embryo transfer.  This list is more of a mental prep to help reduce stress during your transfer and also to help make sure during your down time you’re not bored out of your mind!

  1. Finances

Ensure all bills are paid early so you don’t have to stress about them during your embryo transfer, especially any bills/payments related to your fertility treatment.  During this time, you want to be as relaxed as possible and allow your body to do what it’s supposed to do.

  1. Employment

If you are employed, be sure to schedule your time off in advance.  Make sure you provide any written notifications for your medical absence if necessary, and take care of any work-related business that may need to be handled before or during your embryo transfer.  Also, make sure your employer understands that your time off during your embryo transfer is fluid and is not exact.  For example, my embryo transfer went as planned, but about three weeks later I ended up on bedrest for a little over two and a half weeks.  Luckily, I had an amazing staff at my facility that was able to keep things running smoothly without any of the parents noticing my absence.

  1. Schedule

Map out all of your appointments for your fertility cycle.  You do not want to miss one once you are in the process.  Literally, TIMING IS EVERYTHING!!!  This is the time to pay very close attention to every last detail… being a little neurotic is key!

  1. Meals

I fell short here and my poor husband had to really scramble to make sure we didn’t starve!  I recommend making a few freezer meals that you both love so that dinners are not stressful or that you buy some pre-made meals at the store.  Also, make sure to grocery shop ahead of time.  Have your house stocked with plenty so that if Meal Plan A doesn’t work, you can easily go to Meal Plan B without much effort.  You also want to be sure to eat healthy during this time.  Ask your doctor if they have any recommendations for your diet or if there are foods you should avoid.  Remember, you want this time to be easy, relaxing, and NOT stressful.

  1. Snacks & Drinks

Be sure your house is stocked.  Have plenty of snacks that are easy to eat laying down on the couch or bed.  Have plenty of water and other beverages (approved by your doctor) that are ready to drink.  You need to stay hydrated during your embryo transfer.

  1. Clean House

This may or may not apply to you, but having a dirty house really stresses me out.  I recommend making sure that your house is at least to a level of cleanliness that makes you comfortable.  During your down time for your embryo transfer, you don’t want to look around the house and start making mental notes of what needs to be done once you are up and moving around again, because it will just make you stressed and/or annoyed.

  1. Laundry

Have all laundry done.  Be sure you and your partner have clothes to wear during your down time.  Also, be sure you have comfortable clothes to wear while on bedrest.  Consider the weather… I recommend dressing cooler and then having blankets available to cover up with if you get cold.  There is nothing worse than being hot and uncomfortable.

  1. Station Setup

Have a little station setup where you will be doing your bedrest.  I had a little table and basket that was within arm’s reach.  In the basket I had chapstick, hand sanitizer, lotion, pens, paper, my journal, a book, a crochet project, a few magazines, and my phone charger.  Then on the table I had water bottles and a variety of snacks to help me get through the day.  I was very fortunate to have family stop by to make me lunch, but if you are not in the same situation, maybe have a cooler for your lunch.

  1. Entertainment

Books, magazines, television, music, crochet, knitting, drawing, writing, or whatever entertains you is perfect.  Just remember to avoid anything that causes you to be emotional.  I was supposed to avoid anything that caused me to be upset or made me laugh hard.  You want your abdomen to be resting so that your little baby(ies) can embed in your uterus.

  1. Family & Friends

Decide which family and friends you are going to share this information with.  If you are choosing not to share this information, what will you tell people to explain your downtime?  If you are telling people, decide who you’ll tell and make sure they understand the process.  The goal is to relax during your embryo transfer, so you don’t want to be bombarded with questions (this can cause stress).

  1. Don’t Research (excluding this post 😉 )

Once your egg transfer is complete, don’t research!  Or, at the very least, do it with a grain a salt.  If you are following your doctor’s orders, you are doing everything you possibly can that is in your control.  Let your body do its job.

  1. Location, Location, Location

This may seem odd to mention, but consider where you are going be during your bedrest.  In my experience, I was to limit how often I got up.  This included showering, using the restroom, and even brushing my teeth.  So, when I say consider location, I literally mean consider location.  I recommend a location that is near the restroom and bedroom.  This will help eliminate any extra time on your feet.

  1. Settle your Soul

Pray, meditate, journal or whatever you need to do to settle your soul.  No matter how much preparing you do, the unknown is hard on your soul.  The reality of this egg transfer possibly making you a mother or not making you a mother is enough to send my own heart racing while I’m typing this.

  1. Follow all Directions

Follow all directions that your doctor has provided… NO EXCEPTIONS!

  1. RELAX

Bahahaha… can you believe I just wrote that?!  Who can relax during a time like this?!  All joking aside, seriously try to relax and let your body rest.  It is working hard.

I hope this list is helpful to you while you are on your journey to becoming a mother and I wish you all the best!  And as always, if you would like to leave a comment below, please feel free to do so.

Cheers to Motherhood!